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Wednesday, June 13, 2012

My Food Day and How I Goofed: Four Times

free Oreos DoubleStuff, now-unstuffed Oreos
Goof #1
Did you ever have a day start off with good intentions as far as eating healthful food? How did I get off track and start eating Oreos. I hate Oreos. I should have given them away.  Actually, I hate the inside, the Crisco loaded with sugar. I don't use any or have any cute or precious twist and dunk action going on at this house. I take a knife and rudely scrape the white death out until I have all the pieces separated like I prefer them. Some people almost faint and declare I am desecrating the Oreos.

I won't even give that sweet stuff to the hens. I love my hens too much.

When I had them all like I wanted them on the plate above, I went to the kitchen for milk. I shrieked. Exbf was slightly concerned. He has come running too many times only to discover I saw an ant on the counter. Or, like today, I was out of milk. He went and bought me a gallon. Yes, I paid for it, but he would have if I had not had money.

When he arrived earlier, I announced I was going to scramble me two eggs for breakfast. Well, the road to hell is paved with good intentions and ripped-up Oreos, apparently.

Last evening, I had gotten a little bit of produce for the hens.

free tomato from hen's produce box
free peach from hen'sproduce  box
free mulberries from my neighbor's tree that overhangs my fence
free huge egg from Thelma; egg almost 3 inches long

For lunch we had free hot dogs on free hamburger buns and the above free peach and  a pile of carrots. I bought the carrots.

Goof #2
My energy was going fast later in the afternoon. On Tuesday, I took out a 12-pound something that I suspected might be a turkey. Sometimes food banks give surprises. Sometimes they give Oreos and hotdogs and sometimes turkeys. This was a 12 lb boneless turkey!

I should have put it in the refrigerator compartment sooner than Tuesday night. I should have put it in the sink in water sooner than noon on Wednesday. I should have washed all the dishes in the sink last night.....ah me. what a goof.

Goof #3
I was cutting the plastic from the turkey very carefully and not making much progress. I did not want to have turkey juice all over, even though there was no food on the counter and no serving dishes. I had put away all the dishes that had been hand-washed. So, what did I do?

I cut a bit harder, pulling the knife upward and flicked turkey juice INTO my MOUTH. I had placed a bowl of soapy water to one side so I could wash my hands well and not touch faucets or the soap container. I washed my hands with my tongue out and then washed my tongue. Guess what? Dawn tastes terrible. Then, I spit into the other side of the sink where the turkey was not.

I have already taken 7 days of Cipro and just got 10 more days to take, so maybe all the antibiotics will kill the turkey germs. Ack!

When I got the tough white plastic off, there was a springy netting that had to be removed. Ack! What a job. I put it in a turkey cooking bag. It was so heavy that exbf stayed in the kitchen and insisted he put it in the oven. The turkey went into the barely warm oven and the time started at 5 pm. Exbf wants to leave around 5:30, no later than 6:30.

Can you see the problem? The 12 pound turkey is supposed to take from 3-3 1/2 hours. He got very upset, saying he would have left after his bath if he had know this. He started getting his things together at 6:30. I packed him his salad fixings: bagged greens, whole tomato, zucchini slices, carrots sticks. Then, I gave him his washed, pitted, and bagged peach, an apple, and two hot dogs. I had put the potatoes from my "garden" on to cook on top of the stove. Soooo, he had none to take home.

He left in a huff and a hurry. I went to bed after I turned the potatoes down low. At 8 pm, when he called to say he was home, I took the turkey out and turned up the potatoes. Now, his portion, the dark meat, is frozen in 4 1-qt bags. Each bag holds enough for 2-3  days, depending on how he eats it. My portion, the white meat,  in in a huge bowl, waiting for me to freeze most of it. Turkey skin is cut in pieces for hens. Broth is waiting to pour over the food hens like least. Turkey scraps are in a bowl.

My main gripe when he left? I had peeled new potatoes he had harvested. I peeled them only for him! He hates skin, no matter how many times I tell him potato skin is good for him. By the way, I weighed the potatoes--2 1/2 lbs of potatoes volunteered in my box.

Goof #4
This starts way back in the narrative. I was literally exhausted, knees buckling from pain in back. I did everything to the turkey bag except one thing--I did not poke the six holes. So, when I got up from my hour rest, the bag was bulging and parts of the bag with broth/juice were hanging outside the shallow broiler pan I use. I got it out and placed in on a burner, noticing that part of the baggy part looked black. I was just praying it would not burst all over the oven, the door, the drawer beneath, the floor and my feet. Nope it held on.

Then, I noticed the burner under the potatoes was way too close to the hanging bag edge. After I turned off the potato burner, the oven, and slit the bag,  collapsed in the den. In a few minutes, I returned to remove the turkey and divide it into all the places it needed to go.

The bag of broth was delicious. I pulled the bag sagging on the outside/back of the pan. It was all black and scorched. I ruined a lovely broth. It's only a bit scorched, but not good tasting, so the hens get it. Vidalia onion that I dehydrated, along with frozen celery, salt and pepper made it delicious!

Do you think my day got off to a bad start because I ate the devil-spawned Oreos?  Never mind, I am going to have more Oreos and milk right now.

Your turn
Do you ever just get caught on a wheel that never seems to turn straight? My bad timing and exhaustion were all the blame. But, please, I don't need so much cooking drama all at once. I guess raw turkey in the mouth was the worst part. It's almost midnight. I might turn into a pumpkin if I edit this.  Good night.


  1. oh PP what a great post ! I'm still laughing - sorry !
    By the way what sort of hens do you have that lay tomato's and peaches ? I'd like some of those ! ha ha

  2. Wean,
    Okay to laugh! That did sound like my hen's lay tomatos and peaches! I fixed it. You have heard of dual purpose hens. Mine will up you two to quadruple purpose hens. LOL

    And, the way I wrote it, it sounded like Thelma was only three inches long. that is a short chicken to be laying such huge eggs. SEEEEE? It was that kind of day!

    1. That would be "hens" in the first line!

  3. You are never allowed to eat Oreos again! NEVER! With that out of my system I just want to say how lucky I think you are to have exbf in your life. I can tell he truly cares about about you.

    As far as ruining a perfectly good meal...lets just say that someone who was raised a vegetarian and didn't cook a whole chicken until I was almost 30 years old, the result was a bloody raw mess. The second time around was a tough dried out unbearable disgusting attempt for a meal.

    1. Oh and that back of innards inside the bird...that gets taken out before you cook it? oops!

  4. Free,
    After a bloody mess, I can see how you dried it out the next time. The bag of innards? Well, if you are caring for a 2 yr old and 6 month old, and you are overworked with no help from husband, and you don't thaw it long enough, after you have spent 6 hours yanking and running water in the turkey, you can cook it inside the bird with nothing bad happening! AGH!

  5. Free,
    There is no danger of me eating a bag of Oreos for years since I finished them all yesterday. I have never bought a bag. Other than at home, it is difficult to get all the white stuff disengaged from the cookies.

    Thanks for the edict.

  6. I love to hate oreos but I rarely buy them. They re wht is termed " accidentallty vegan" which doesn't make them excusable but why I eat them is the crazy texture. I on't dunk because I don't drink milk. I am glad you didn't get sick from the turkey juice!

  7. I was only going to eat the chocolate cookie from one, but once I got started, the rest is history. I hope I still don't get sick from the turkey juice. That is the single most horrid thing that has ever happened in my mouth!


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