...now, for the rest of the story: Trades Gone Bad

This morning I saw the friend who did not follow through on the toothpaste trade that I wrote about here. You might want to read it first if you just came here. She was actually in a hallway and we walked together and sat at a table. While in the hall she stopped and said she needed to talk to me. 

What she said shocked me: I am very sensitive, and you may not know that. But, I just wanted to let you know for the future. The other day, you really hurt my feelings over the toothpaste.

I smiled; she continued. I thought, "Damn, it is just a tube of toothpaste! I'll go buy her a case if it means so much to her. Then, I could not figure out what you meant by "second trade."

Remember the time I gave you 8 lbs of Kraft shredded, fat-free cheese for the tea you had but gave to someone else?

Well, Linda, that was not my fault. C brought that little old lady up to me and C said, "Here is all the tea" and showed her the tea in my car.

So, that is when you were still catering to C? And, you had told her that you were giving it to me?

Wellll, yes. I did.

Stop right here and let me tell you the back story. D, my almost-trader friend, had a tragedy. Her husband committed suicide well before the first almost-trade of tea/cheese. When D was not at the dinner on a Thursday night, I said to C,"Where is D?" C answered, "She's busy." Yes, she was busy sitting at the bedside of her husband who was near death after a deliberate drug overdose. The next Thursday, I asked C, "Where is D?" C would not look at me, "Oh, she had something else to do." Yes, my friend D was at the viewing of her husband's corpse, the visitation. The next day she buried her husband.

Two weeks later I was sitting at a different table since D was not there and C was. D came over and put her hand on my arm and said that T was dead. I almost passed out. Then, we put our heads together and discovered that C, who called D her best friend, was at fault. D had asked C to tell me what happened and where she was. D told me she was crushed that I did not come or call when she needed me.

The problem: C did not like the friendship of D with me. I was an intruder, an interloper. So, these two met two months before? Hmmmm....D said that C was jealous of me.

Another time several women whom I barely recognized were rude to me. Another was talking about me so I could hear her, and she wanted me to hear her. I mentioned all this to D, wondering what they were all so angry about. D told me that C, mentally challenged, cannot read or write, had told some whoppers about me...like she was afraid of me and I had tried to chase her down on foot to beat her up...lol. Anyone who has seen me struggle to walk would laugh.

Sooooo, back to today....You mean you allowed C to give away what she knew was promised to me? You had told her?

Yeah, yeah, I know, I know I need to grow a new set...as her voice trailed off, I continued.

By the way, I am sensitive, too. I can feel a stab in the back. But, the incident with the tea/cheese trade was gone from my thoughts until I did not get toothpaste we agreed to trade. NO, I was not holding a grudge. But, it appeared that you had no honor or either I was just someone you did not respect. Either way, you were and are in the wrong. I have never mentioned this to a soul until the toothpaste trade went sour. I had let it go entirely and never mentioned it to you, right?

D apologized. Whew! BUT, she insisted it was the fault of C. I refused to agree with that opinion.

C is still trying to wrangle her way back into the life of D.

So, now I know she did not just decide to give away the tea on her own. It is still a breach of honor on the part of D. I still am out the cheese, but I do have the toothpaste I took back! However, this C is a real problem since I know she continues to talk about me and lie. Gee, at least tell the truth about me.

The way I handles apologies--my opinion will not change (still wary) until I see future actions that show someone is sincere. Okay, I am just wary. I trust until betrayed. An apology says to me that actions will change.

I would not have ever blogged about this today, but since I complained the other day, I just knew you were all salivating for the second and final episode.


My children were trusting me to see their magic words, I' m sorry, as the reason for no punishment plus I can deliberately act that way in the future and apologize and get off the hook. I do not have to take responsibility for my actions if I apologize. Yes, I punished my children sometimes, even when they said, "I'm sorry" because they thought they could do anything as long as they apologized afterwards.

Okay, I will stop since I do have successful trades: car repair for hemming jeans and mending pants for friend, yard work for tutoring, ride when car was down for jelly....

Your turn
Does anyone see my point in the story of tea/cheese/toothpaste story and lack of trust right now? She still insists she is trustworthy.  I am not much moved to compassion or trust by continued aggressions or continued lapses of manners after an acknowledgement of the offense and an apology.

Trades Gone Bad

I am all about the trade.
I live for a good trade.
I have things just for the trade.
I stick by my trade.

Okay, only once in the last year and four months have I not followed through. But, the deal is still pending and I admit I am in the wrong. AND, I will make amends!

Where to begin? This new friend mentioned last fall that she had some sort of case of drinks she did not want. Let's say it was chocolate Ensure or something like that. I will put one of those in the freezer and drink it frosty cold and call it a milkshake. (I am a sucker for chocolate even if I have to consume chemicals.) She offered it to me. When I said, how about a trade?, she concurred that would be great. We figured out what I had that she wanted. In fact, she loved whatever it was I had....oh, lots of fat-free cheese because she is diabetic.

Note: If you buy the wrong food and take it back to the grocery store, by law they cannot put it back on the shelf. I hate fat-free cheese.

So, I handed 8 lbs of cheese through her passenger window and looked in the back seat for the drinks. ??? Oh, I told the other women about our trade and that sweet little old lady said she sure would love the drinks, so I could not resist giving them to her. My smile did not just fade. It immediately disappeared and I presented a cold and stormy face, I am quite sure. I did not ask for the eight packages of grated Kraft fat-free cheese back because I was so stunned.  I wished I had.

So, yesterday, I mentioned if she ever had cartridges from her printer that she was throwing  away, I would trade something for them. I am not sure what happened next, but she mentioned she had two small tubes of Colgate toothpaste that she did not want. She wanted something minty. How about Aquafresh, a huge tube?  She was so happy because that was exactly what she wanted and what she used.

Tonight, I waited by my car in the parking lot as she drove past me. She stopped and I presented her with the Aquafresh. She said, Oh! And then handed me a plastic bag with a newspaper and something else. After five minutes, I looked at the side of the bag and saw a white box. What is this? She laughed and said it was my toothpaste. Okay, now I take it out and it is CREST, not what we discussed. She acted all innocent--Oh well...nervous laughter. Plus, the box AND tube were dirty like Coke had been spilled on them.

I was flabbergasted--It's use by date is over two years ago! She shrugged her shoulders--Use it anyway. It won't rot your teeth...shrugs again. I handed her back the toothpaste--This was not the deal. You can keep it. Besides, I won't give old toothpaste to my children and grandchildren.

I looked hard at her and then presented a lip smile..you know, sort of a smirk, not genuine, not with the eyes. You know, this is the second trade we have made where I got nothing. 

As she smiled at me, I could take it no longer. She made no promise to bring me the two tubes of Colgate. Just give me back the Aquafresh and I will trade someone else for the Colgate unless you find yours that you were looking at when we made the deal. She handed it back with a bit of disgust on her face. I smiled genuinely and said my goodbyes.

Then, I was shaking and boiling as I drove home. How dare she? Some days you have to teach people how to treat you. I am usually not so upset about a slight. But, it seemed she did both these slights on purpose. Moreover, she made no noise like she would make it up to me. Either time. She acted like it was no big deal to her.

Exbf thought I should have done what I did. (I called him to complain.) Believe me, he does not always agree with me on matters like this.  He tells me if he thinks my actions are wrong. Of course, he is wrong when he says I am wrong.

This is a minor trade, I know. But, it just irked me that the only two times we have traded, I got stiffed. Grrrr...it's a good thing I do not have high blood pressure because I could feel the top of my head coming off as it was. Of course, that could be the Diet Coke with caffeine that I had just consumed...two whole large glasses.

(By the way, I give things away all the time with no talk or expectation of anything coming my way and no favor being returned to me.)

Your turn
Tell me, have you had trades gone bad? Did you ever have anyone who just seemed to stiff you on purpose and show no remorse?