The Orthopedist Office Made Me Cry

When I was talking on the phone to the person making  appointment, she was talking x-rays. I emphatically told her I was not having x-rays, just MRI because I had had cancer and doctor did not want me to have x-rays. She challenged me and said, "Did the doctor say that??" She said I could not have MRI until I had x-rays because that is the way it is done. I felt like I was going to cry.

I told Tommy I wanted him to come in the exam room on Monday. He agreed. I felt like I would get respect for my decision if a man were there. I also felt like they would not pressure me.

As I sat in a wheelchair in the waiting room, a woman called my name and I raised my hand. She asked me if I were ready to come. I said I would if someone pushed me. She mentioned something about my friend pushing me. I told her it would be hard for him to use a walker and push my wheelchair. He was struggling to get to his feet. He definitely did not move like a man who could push me.

She came over and talked to me in a high voice like I was either mentally incompetent or a child. (I suppose the wheelchair gave me away.) In a high voice she said, "Okay, let's get you back here and get x-rays." I started crying and talking in a loud, whiny/shrill voice at the same time--"No, No, I am not getting x-rays. I have had cancer and do not want to get it again" Or, something like that. She was going to try to convince me, and I shrieked, "NO! I have had cancer. I cannot have x-rays!" And, tears flowed copiously again.

When we got out of this huge waiting room, she started in again, telling me the guy, forgot his name, a nurse practitioner would "talk to you about the x-rays." I started crying again, saying, "No, he won't talk to me about x-rays!"  This time I was in another huge room with nurses at desks where they check out patients, make appointments and schedule surgeries. Surely someone must have asked about my crying. If she had to say anything that made it about my choice, she should have said I could talk to him. But, no, he was going to talk to me!

I made sure Tommy was coming and could see where they took me. We went into the exam room, sat, and waited. I told Tommy he could speak up at any time anyone wanted me to have an x-ray. The physician's assistant very wisely said they would schedule an MRI.  Oops, I still need to do that. Tommy did interrupt him to say something, but I forgot what it was.

On Saturday or Sunday I was talking long-distance to one of my followers, a retired nurse, saying I was afraid I would cry if they kept pressuring me to have an x-ray. She said it might be good if they saw some emotion (think that is what she said) about my need. Well, I did not plan a cry or wailing. I cannot cry on command.

So, Monday was a traumatic day for me. But, Tommy stopped and got me my favorite Quizno's sandwich. Still, I was drained when we arrived home. Well, my home; he still had another 1.5 hours to home.

(I did have uterine cancer and had it removed two years ago. In 2003 I had half my thyroid and a huge growth removed. The growth was the kind that always becomes cancerous eventually. This is what the doctor told me, I was also told at that time to avoid x-rays. Since then when an x-ray was scheduled, I made them give me something to cover my thyroid, usually a glove. My refusal  of x-rays and wariness is not a new thing. But, no one has ever pressured me to have one. They back off.

I suspect that some of you have had to deal with the emotions of trying to protect yourself. Sluggy has one wild story of a bad doctor, but I am not sure how emotional she had to get to protect herself from a doctor who almost killed her.  I felt like I was being killed with all the x-ray talk. Seriously.

I still cannot open all blogs on my blog roll.

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