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Friday, March 13, 2015

Death, Patsy Cline, Dream: Update

Did the genesis of this dream take place in reality, or did I just formulate it in my sickly head? I am not being unduly morbid, but this is the focus of my day--death.

First, the sad part. For the last few days, maybe a week, Patsy Cline has been unwell. I saw her on Monday walk in the safety of brambly vines. She sort of bent her knees, pulled in her head, made herself just round, with tail feathers pulled down. I knew something was wrong. The next day, Gen came and helped me get everything from under the kitchen sink. We went outdoors and the hens came around to see if there was  treat.

Gen said, "That chicken does not look right." No, she is not right. Her comb was turned to one side, almost warped on her head. She was still a ball shape. Her crop was distended. So, I figured it had stuff stuck in it. She continued to eat. I did not see her drink.

Exbf noticed her distress. But, we did nothing. I was going to get him to help me catch her. But, it got too late, so I planned to see if Tony could help me. Tony brought me water bottles filled from his hose, so I missed that opportunity. I fell in bed and rested, half sleeping, waiting on Gen to come for eggs, extra ones I had.

Their pen door was left open because I could not find my flashlight. Then, I forgot. Today, as I went out to feed them, Thelma and Maggie May ran to the side door. I fed them in their pen and called for Patsy Cline.  She was nowhere to be seen. I looked in the garbage can lying on its side, full of leaves. This is in the pen as extra shelter. Sometimes, I would find three hens stacked in there with just beaks showing if it were windy.

I thought maybe Patsy Cline could not jump in her condition to their sleeping box and just slept in the garbage can. She is a reddish hen, so she is hard to see in the leaves. My eyes were still sleepy and I was having to use the distance in my lens to bend and look. However, I saw first the red band on her leg and then the leg. I rubbed my eyes and focused to be sure of what I had seen.

She was sort of covered with leaves. When my hens have died and I saw it, they were thrashing around. So, she may have just thrashed and sort of covered herself with leaves. I don't think she was attacked. Now, I have to go remove her. With my allergies and present illness, this is not going to be easy.

Maybe I will get dressed since I have on a short gown and no panties. Being found face down in the garbage can or chicken yard, thrashing around trying to breathe would not be good and horrendous with my bare bottom the most prominent sight in the chicken pen. Sigh...I did not want to get dressed.

This is getting long, I know. But, some people like to hear my dreams.

Last night, I dreamed the most real dream. It brought me to sobs and tears and anguish in my dreams. When I awoke, the dream caused me real tears and real anguish.

The dream. From somewhere on the internet, on the tv, and radio came the very certain news that tomorrow was the end of the world. There was no reason given, but everyone on earth would die and the earth would cease to exist. (I had to stop just now to wipe away my tears and quit sobbing so I could type.) There was no explanation of any cataclysmic event on earth, beneath the earth, or from the skies, just a flat "it's over."

In my dream I cried aloud to just see my children once more and hold them and have them not be mean to me. I sobbed then, too. I did not care why everything was disappearing. I only cared to hold my children once.

I awoke and sobbed and cried again. Now, recounting it, my anguish is the same, causing me about an hour's worth of sobbing while I have tried to write these very few words about my dream. This dream will be hard to shake.

Please don't quote scripture about the hour and day being unknown. This dream had nothing to do with any religious notions. No one was going to be saved even in bunkers. It was all so definite, so final, so futile. I will delete any comment that remotely tries to put a religious twist on this. It is all about my children and my desire to see them, and my anguish. They are 1000 miles away in two different directions, so any attempt to reach them would be impossible.

Yes, I know it is Friday 13th.

I managed to remove Patsy Cline without falling on my face or a have coughing spell. She had no head. The other two were terrified. They knew she was there. She had not layed an egg since August, not that fact makes this easier. I dragged her out by her foot I could see and dropped her into a garbage bag and into the trash.

Your turn
Have you ever had a dream that so devastated you? Patsy Cline and I both had our struggles this week, but I am sorry she died.


  1. I am so very sorry.
    For all your pain.

    1. EC,
      Thanks. This has been a rough patch with my water not working again. And illness that was so strange.

  2. Sending hugs from across the ocean... just hugs...

  3. There's another name for such a dream: Nightmare.

    What sort of turmoil is causing your mind to play out this scenario? I guess it is all linked to your poor health at this time, all the endless struggle with water, cold weather and snow. Hope your next night and the days following will be easier and happier.

    1. PhilipH,
      Yes, a nightmare. I went through another spell of sobbing, coughing, and tears when telling this to exbf. He said,
      Hmmm." and shut up.

      Yes, all this is just breaking me down along with continual harassment by ex to get even with my divorcing him in 1981. He gets even through my three children, turning them against me. Thanks for the good thoughts.

  4. I'm so sorry, Linda. I've always been attached to my critters, too, and it's painful when you lose them.

  5. Cherdo,
    I hate it. Maybe I could have saved her, but I cannot take care of myself at this stage. Hopefully, I will be feeling better soon. Yes, it hurts to lose one of my hens.

  6. Linda, I'm so sorry for your loss. And for the dream, maybe it's your subconscious trying to help you get thru this period of unpleasantness - lack of water, varmints in the house, illness. Letting you get the sadness out, even though it's terribly upsetting, may be a way of getting back on track. I'm sure I would react the same way if it were my dream - I find tears very cleansing. Have you contacted your children? Maybe hearing their voices will be soothing. Take care of yourself. I enjoy reading your blog and would miss it terribly if you stopped.

    1. Bellen,
      I did not see your comment, here. Sorry. I think maybe the fever is bringing out bad feelings. It is Sat night, and I feel worse than when I wrote this on Friday. I am glad you enjoy reading my blog. When I can get the one started about my marriage and life, you can find the answers there.

  7. A very sad loss of Patsy Cline and being sick on top of that, must be very hard to process. Take it one step at a time. The illness will leave and you will be on top of it again. You are in my prayers.

    1. tana50,
      I just feel so overwhelmed right now. And, I seem to be getting worse. I just had raspberries with tiny bit of sugar, covered with milk. That makes me happy. I forgot they were in the refrigerator and felt lucky they were not spoiled. On top does feel far away.

  8. I'm so sorry about Patsy Cline. I have never never had a chicken before. How long do they live for?

    1. Sonya Ann,
      I have heard they can live 20 years. That is rare. She was barely a year old. AND, I had to pay $15 for her as a companion when Thelma was depressed and mourning the loss of Pepper and Louise on the same day. She quit being depressed when she figured she had to kill Patsy Cline. Thelma is six-years-old, so she is my oldster.


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