Okay, so maybe it is not the worst, but it hurt most to be given this present. This happened in 1980. My ex had moved away to a new church. I was to follow when the house sold. Does anyone remember 1980 when houses sat for months without selling? He came home with gifts on the 23rd of December. On Christmas morning we opened our gifts.
The girls, five- and ten-years-old received real pearl necklaces with 14 ct. gold clasps. They were thrilled. I was, too. The pearls were just fresh-water pearls, but oh, so pretty to my girls and me. Then, I opened my gift.
My gift held....a pump pot. What is a pump pot? It is a thermos that you push on the top to release the liquid instead of having a button or little lever at the level of the spigot. There is a big, soft button, about 2 inches across on the top. Somewhere, I had seen one when he was with me and had remarked that it would be nice for a picnic. He purchased it for me. Idiot! I admire orange or purple things, but that does not mean I want anything orange or purple.
I was totally in shock when he purchased something that confirmed the girls femininity and bought me something so I could serve him. He saw me as utilitarian, not deserving of ornamentation. Obviously, a shit brown gift was good enough. No, I did not appreciate the thought in it's the thought that counts.
Getting an appliance for a gift is great only if it is my idea. Our second Christmas I was pregnant and we were having a house built. I told him that I only wanted a washer and refrigerator for my gift. I assured him it would be his gift too. We were young and practically penniless, so I was trying to make things better for us. That washer and dryer sat in the living room with a huge red bow around each. So, I am not against utilitarian gifts at all. It was just the disparity in my gift and the girls' gifts that hurt and shocked me so.
Plus, I had to act pleased for the children's sake on Christmas morning. They were thrilled that we got something for a picnic and were very happy.
My mother gave me a blender one Christmas because I had been wishing I had one. She said she had hoped that getting something to cook with was okay after I squealed with delight when I opened the box. It was a red Hamilton Beach blender with a glass container, not plastic. It still works after 40+ years.
That January, I told him I was divorcing him. I had already decided to, but the gift cinched it.
If you have anything disparaging to say about me, just don't. I plan to have someone else read the comments and delete all that would upset me. This seemingly incidental happening is part of the pattern of abuse he heaped on me in the name of God.
Have you ever just been insulted by a gift from a lover/husband/SO/whatever? Did it cut you to the core?
Want to hear more of this evil ex? If I am encouraged, I might start a second blog, open only to people invited who express interest. Of course, it will start after Christmas since I don't want to recount anything until after a joyous Christmas.