One of my goals for 2013 was to improve my social life. Basically, I feel like I have none. Since walking is a major source of my problems, things I normally participate in are sort of out of reach. Local festivals are just impossible. I made a list of things I could do without spending a ton of money or walking.
One goal was to go out to eat on the cheap with a friend each week. The target spending was under $5. There are food coupons. That mostly leaves fast food. I am okay with that. But, since losing weight is another of my goals, the two goals might not mesh. Arby's has a sandwich that actually fills the bill for under $5 and is healthy.
Arby's Grand Turkey Club is delicious and healthier than most fast food. I leave off the mayonnaise because it is nasty and am left with wheat roll, lots of lean turkey, token lettuce and tomato and a piece of white cheese. Arby's serves free water. I must admit I drank a Coke I sneaked in to pour over my ice.
I invited a friend who took 30 minutes and two days to decide. We got our meal and ate way in the far corner where I could pop my Coke and not be so obvious. They don't serve Diet Coke Caffeine Free, anyway. We ate and moved to a warmer part of the restaurant. As I struggled to get up and move, I needed to take my tray with me to discard my meal. My much younger female friend watched me struggle and ordered me to get my tray. I do not need a reminder. I was just slow. Most people volunteer to help me whether I think I need it or not. She watches and waits and never volunteers to help me at all.
When we moved to the warmer spot, I saw the daughter of a friend. I asked how her mother was doing since I heard her mother was in the hospital. Her mother died and the funeral was the next day. bummer
My friend and I sat and talked for about an hour and left. We were near Walmart, so part of my plan was to return something and use coupons that were expiring. The savings using coupons was going to be over 50%. The friend followed in her truck.
I went through coupons and discarded expired ones by wadding them and dropping into the electric cart basket. My intentions were to put them in a trash can before leaving the store. I did not. As I was at the car, struggling to get my foot off the platform of the electric cart, my friend ordered me to pick up the coupons and throw them away, NOT to leave a mess.
SHIT! I have one foot on the ground and cannot drag the other foot off the electric cart. I am freezing in the chill wind because I should have worn a different coat, plus a scarf. In the dark the death of a friend is looming in my head. All of a sudden the friend starts screaming, "You are rude!" Over and over, waving her arms and acting crazy. I turned and said once, "You are rude."
"OH, I am rude for telling you that you are rude?" I struggled and hobbled to get in the car and away from her screaming still into the darkness. I really hate public arguments and confrontations. I was shaking.
I had not thrown a loaded diaper into the cart. I had not deliberately made a mess. I was hurting too much to go back into the store and discard the wadded coupons. Besides, as I told her, the teen cart guys will get it. I had just figured I spent several hours of pleasantness and had nastiness thrown at me.
Sooo, she is never again a candidate for distraction.
Screaming at me to do something has me digging in my heels not obeying. She sort of does this to me all the time, but I ignore her to keep the peace.
FAIL! Big fat FAIL!
But, I will move on from this and really have some sort of social life.
Your turn
Sooo, ???
Wow it sounds like this is one person (I will not call her a friend)you need to drop like a hot potato. I am shocked at the way she behaved. This kind of person only brings you down, you are better off without her.
ReplyDeleteI have already determined that I will speak civilly but will not socialize with her. I do end up in the same place she does at times. This is not her first outburst. Last time she did not like the temperature in my car and was screaming and going crazy hitting fans and knobs to get it like SHE wanted. It took me two months to find the radio knob. So, now she cannot ride with me. She has to follow in her truck.
DeleteOh Sweetie, so sorry to hear about this. What a disappointment. Your insensitive "friend" should be ashamed of herself. Don't give up and try again with someone else. You need to get out from time to time. Take care and I wish you a better day tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteShe does have Asperger's but that is no excuse. She behaved well for about a year and then started acting out. She expects to have people overlook her. No way. Oh, I have other people who might be more agreeable than she was and has been through the months. This was just the end! Thank you.
Deletehi, Linda: I am new to your blog and was very distressed at the behaviour of your so-called friend. Maybe she needs her meds checked if she ahs asperger's? Maybe a quiet enquiry about how her meds are doing? If she is off them, stay away from her until she stablizes. As for the "diet coke" please read an article about spertane - also nutri-sweet, etc. Part of your problem could be poisoning from drinking thinggs like "diet" soft drinks and using the other things in your coffee, tea, baking, whatever. Sugar-twin is another one. That stuff will cause all types of mobility, muscular and neural problems. Scary thing on our grocery shelves. Other than that, I am sorry to hear you can't make the local events because of access problems. It makes it really difficult for people who have to yuse chairs or carts to get around in. Take care - I love how you have set up your blog. Keep writing.
ReplyDeleteCarol,
ReplyDeleteI can say with absolute certainty she is on her meds. She has all these phobias and beliefs--she must Clorox everything in her apartment to get rid of germs. So, her not taking her meds would be hghly unusual. She is a lot OCD. All that is tolerable, but screaming at me, accusing me, and ranting at me in public is not tolerable.
I saw her tonight at a dinner and she was very cool even though she sat as close to me as she could. I will just move away from her and keeps her on the periphery. After this dinner, we sometimes go to Walmart if I need to do something. She did ride with me and I would drop her off at her car. Afte one screaming fit in my car and another where she was slapping the vents, snatching the controls and finally knocked the knob off my radio, she has never been in my car.
We had a deal where I would give her a ride to places we went if she would help me with standing in lines and such. Now, I do without her help and various other people help me. I just go to the line, wait until someone gets behind me and ask if I can get back in line because I need to sit.
I rarely drink Coke now. I never use anything with a sugar substitute. This is an orthopedic problem that I realize has been worsening since I was in my twenties. Last vertebrae is sitting on bone, torn meniscus, and torn rotator cuff are the problem, all verified by MRIs. If only leaving off artificial sweeteners would help my problem! I do appreciate your explanation. I had a supervisor diagnosed with MS that went away when she quit drinking diet drinks and left off all artifical sweeteners. Of course, MS does not go away. She never had MS.
My main access problem is having to walk too far, even with handicap parking. Plus, sitting just kills my back. Right now, I am slumped in my chair with feet on ottoman, almost lying down. This position and upholstered chair is what I need at festivals. I did go to a dinner tonight and sat with exbf, a good author male friend, and another guy I gave a ride home. It was a pleasant diversion but the food was just hotdog, chips, cake, and tea...unsweetened, just the way I like it.
Thanks. I am glad you like the blog. I just wish I had more comments. I can see lots of people read. How do I beg for comments? I will keep writing and writing, something I love to do.
Nice article and thanks for the sharing.
ReplyDeletehttps://blog.mindvalley.com/how-to-be-social/