"You Need to Leave Now."

That's what he said. My daughter said she had spent two months solid thinking and figuring out she could afford what her son needed to go to college out of state, shopping and wearing herself out. He received scholarships, grants, help from family in the form of large graduation gifts, and did not work all summer. (He actually landed a job that ended up being fewer hours than they indicated until the last two weeks. I figure that a long-time employee left to go to school but not before he got all the hours and paychecks he could.)

I got all the deals I could for free or almost free school supplies and showed my daughter the best deals online for clothing (underwear and socks) since I have more time to spend online. She even drove to Long Island to get things not available where she is in Brooklyn. (Sandy destroyed places she shopped.) His sister has taken a backseat while everyone focused on getting him to the out-of-state school he only wanted to attend because his girlfriend is going there. His 12-year-old sister was very understanding.

It took two vehicles, my daughter, her bf D, her ex B, the girl's mother, and the girl's uncle riding a bus with luggage to get all the gear the two college students needed to the college four hours away. My daughter drove and arrived exhausted. She was quickly organizing his stuff in the room while he watched, got in the way, was a brat (she said), and did not help. The guys went to buy whatever they needed to hook up his brand-new tv (bought the day before by his father) by stringing all the wire up and around doors to reach the tv outlet across the room. Oh, he did hang up his shirts.

The grandson eventually said to his mother, "You need to leave now." "It's time for you to go." Finally, his girlfriend came to his room and told my daughter, "You can leave now." My daughter was crushed. She hugged her son with no joy, and left when she finished what she was doing.

Then, she had the grueling four-hour drive home. She had gotten up at 5 am and left by 6:15 pm to get him settled so she could drive home before dark. She cried lots because of his ingratitude, his dismissive attitude. She cried when she arrived home. She was still beyond exhausted when I talked to her Monday night.

She had planned they would all go out to eat lunch, decompress/relax, laugh a bit, say good-bye and depart in a good mood. The kids had other plans. There was some event on campus for incoming freshmen that they wanted to attend! Really, they should have just said so instead of telling her it was time for her to leave, dismissing her.

My advice to her: Drop him off at the curb next year. She agreed.
My advice: Let him take the bus home for visits. She already had told him that would be necessary because of the age of her vehicle. She does not expect him until Thanksgiving.

My daughter said her son called his father at 1 am and asked where his toiletries he himself had packed were located. His father had no idea: "look in your bins." LOL

This is a kid who has never given her a moment's worry, just had an attitude problem occasionally and a smart mouth occasionally. He attended school, did not do drugs, does not smoke or drink, won leading roles in high school musicals, played an instrument, played football one year and maintained very high grades except for his junior year. So, all this attitude was totally unexpected.

Since the mother of the girlfriend rode back with my daughter, they discussed the two they left behind. It seems that the girl acted the same way toward her mother, upsetting her as well. So, it was not just my daughter's son. The little girlfriend is an only child!

One good thing did come out of this. I told her I felt the same way she does when she does not call me back or says she is too busy to talk.  She sounded sorry as she sort of gasped and groaned and apologized. So, for two days, she has been responsive. No, I do not expect to talk to her every day.

And, so it goes...................