Sorry, no pictures!
Who knew that eating fresh food, preparing it at frugally at home, even in the face of adversity, could be so dangerous? Not I!
As I went into the den to my comfortable chair, I walked cautiously with a bowl of potatoes in my right hand and a sharp knife in the left hand. The knife was pointing toward the floor. I always walk with the knife tip down, even when I am not shaky with walking. I grip the knife with the blade coming from between my thumb and index finger. Safe enough? Should be.
I put the bowl of potatoes on the ottoman. As I reached my chair, I lowered myself, leaning forward and sitting as I braced myself on the chair arms to ease gently down to spare my knee and back. Unfortunately, as I put my hands down to lower myself, leaned forward to ease down, the knife was pointed up just because of how I was leaning with my hand on the chair and managing to sit without much excruciating pain.
Do you know how bad nicking an areola hurts? With a very sharp knife? Almost hit the nipple! Yikes! Don't try this at home, folks.
Maybe tomorrow I will run with scissors. Well, if I could run, I would. Or I could get an Official Red Ryder Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle and maybe shoot my eye out.
No, it did not bleed, just turned bloody looking. I had three days of examining myself to see if the damage was permanent or worse because the pain seemed not to diminish. After a week, it is all better.
This is the price I paid that day for eating fresh vegetables.
Your turn
Have you managed to hurt yourself, despite cautionary steps? Have you stabbed yourself in the breast? Oh, just tell me a funny or horrifying story of accidentally maiming yourself!
dear sweet Jesus - tell me that you are joking?!?!?!? oh that must have hurt. right now i am feeling your pain but i can't stop laughing! yes - run around the house and lick scissors at the same time - jeesh!
ReplyDeletei am so glad that it is all better. and not to sound all "Mom-like" on you but you need to be more careful!
your friend,
kymber
well..you asked and i will share. i was in my early 20's and some girlfriends of mine had found a very secluded place to go and suntan. topless. we went and spent the day together. because the rest of me was so tanned and my boobs weren't, i slathered some baby oil and iodine all over my boobs. we were out suntanning for about 8 hours. we got back to the barracks, i went to have a shower and the water hitting my boobs was killing me. then i noticed that my nipples were green. and i started screaming. they took me to the MIR (military hospital on base) and because i couldn't wear a bra or a shirt for 2 weeks i was charged with a "self-inflicted injury" and fined $250 bucks.
ReplyDeletemy nipples were always a light pink but since that incident have become a light brownish-pink.
and you really don't want to hear about how many times i broke my nose!
your friend,
kymber
kymber, this mom lectured this mom about the dangers of what she did. So this mom has been lecturing this mom for days...lol
ReplyDeleteSelf-infliected? It is not like you shot yourself in the foot, slit your wrists, or sat down with a knife that pointed in the boob direction!
My shoulders sort of hunched together, protecting my boobs from getting all sunburned, and I am in the house in winter in a sweat shirt at night. I am so sorry I had to laugh so hard at your mishap. That must have been so horrible and painful.
LOL...self-inflicted? Gee...lololol.
Thanks for the laugh. I hear laughter is good for digestion, stress, all sorts of stuff.
No booby story. And I didn't do this to my self, my Dad did it to me. He was trimming my hair, and didn't like the way the scissors were cutting.(They were dull.) And got out Mom's good scissors, and snipped off the tip of my ear.
ReplyDeleteI could also go into sun burning something else. But..... Lets just say I had some time at home going with out pants, enough said.
Flier 389,
ReplyDeleteOh no, Didn't your father know that sewing scissors are dulled by ear clipping? Ouch, that hurts. You were a child.... Just wondering how old you were when you burned your under-the-pants part.
Thanks so much for coming by and sharing.
bahahahahahah - at Flier389 - we need the rest of the story buddy!
ReplyDeleteWhen I was about 6 I was a demon in our local area on my little push bike - I used to race around the block like something possessed! One day I went around the corner and there right across the path were a bunch of girls with a skipping rope, skipping! Avoidance techniques previously practiced came into full swing, I swerved onto the grass next to the path but it was very wet - a skid and ... I smashed into the wall! A big cut on my forehead above my left eye. I remember the girls helping me and my bike back home. My Mum saw my hand over my eye and blood pouring out so she thought I'd lost my eye, when she pulled my hand back she was almost relieved it was only what it was.
ReplyDeleteMy Dad cycled home later that day and saw the huge pool of blood - he thought "Crikey someone has hurt themselves"... he then followed it to our back door!
I still have the scar to this day :-)
Furtheron,
ReplyDeleteOnce again, I had a hard time reading of your mishap because I was laughing so hard. Kids just seem capable of striking fear into the hearts of parents. I can just imagine your father following the trail of blood to your house, wondering until the last moment if it were true. That was a lot of bleeding you did. Thankfully, it was just your forehead and a gash. Scars on men's faces always make them look so mysterious, dark, and sensual. I guess most of the guys earned their scars the way you did...lol.
There should be rules about skipping rope on paths...just for you.
Thanks for the story.
You know, when I read that title, I thought, what's an areola? I know, isn't that awful of me? But to be honest, there are a lot of words that I don't use. In fact, maybe I made it a point to forget areola. Anyway, that is a horror story if I ever heard one. I'm glad that you are better.
ReplyDeleteI can't think of any stories that I did like that other than hurting myself while trying to protect from falling or something like that.
Take care.
m.
p.s. I just rediscovered your blog and added it to my Google Reader.
Mark, I read your blog all the time and love it. LOL, well you may not have the other words that you don't use. But, you have an areola,two to be exact. So, you may need to use "areola" someday.
ReplyDeleteI forgot to say it, but I cut a hole in the shirt I was wearing.
Falling seems to be my best skill. But, to be honest, when someone bikes, skates fancy, plays tennis, and is/was active, falling was not such a bad thing. Now, falling is baaaad. And, I can't get up.
I am glad you are here.
I had to laugh but glad you are okay!
ReplyDeleteI'm not to accident prone so my story is boring compared to the others shared here.
We were playing catch with our then five year old twins. My daughter and I on one side, the boys on the other. Daughter is lefthanded but thought she'd try her right hand for a change. All was going well. She retrieved the ball, was to throw it towards me. I stood waiting just a couple of feet away and for some reason, she decided that she'd throw the ball with all her might straight at my mouth! I didn't see that coming. Bloody fat lip and I mean blood everywhere! Crying daughter, crying son, confused husband. Just another one of our classic family outings:)
LOL...bonding through spilling of blood and crying. You should have your hands up? LOL Also, I love the child that accidentally head butts me in the mouth...there are many scenarios of that in my past. Okay, still laughing about this one.
ReplyDeleteRecently my daughter-now 18 told me that something had come over her-she knew she was going to do that. I remember seeing it in her eyes too. I knew she was confused with the right hand/left hand thing and was struggling with the mechanics. She thought she was being evil though! She told me that she had nightmares about killing me after that! Poor thing! LOL!
ReplyDeleteLindaM,
ReplyDeleteAwww, that is so sad she felt that way and felt so bad about herself. My brother had struggles because of his left/right hand issues and lied about his schoolwork, not even intending to lie, just so confused in first grade. Over the years, my mother saw some of his earlier behaviors as symptomatic of his confusion.